LA What the Hell?!

Los Angeles, WHAT THE HELL?! My whole life I was indoctrinated by the Hollywood machine. "Come to Los Angeles, ye heavy laden, and I will give you rest on the beach front property of your malibu cottage, endless margaritas, a size 6 bikini body, a glowing tan, a nice car, perkier boobs, passion-filled nights..." Yup. Los Angeles, land of Silk and Money.

Well, back in August I hit the jackpot and bagged myself a gorgeous husband, Myrton, who happens to be a wonderful film maker. In these horrible economic times, and having 6 digits worth of school debt, we realized that Myrton had about as good a chance of getting gainful employment in his field in Northern Nevada, as Hitler has for winning a posthumous Nobel Peace Prize. Needless to say, when the opportunity came for Myrton to work for ABC/Disney, we packed up and moved in a jiff.

Now don't get me wrong, I was a smug teenager. I'd stopped buying into the California hype when I was 15 and realized that I was not among the beautiful people. I wouldn't touch a pair of shorts let alone a bikini. I was disillusioned early, and so I felt prepared. I wasn't going to move to Los Angeles with these ridiculous expectations, only to be completely deflated when the disappointing reality hit that Los Angeles was not going to magically make me happier and more beautiful, nope. I was shielded, armed with pessimism. I knew Los Angeles sucked. I was ready. ...I had no idea.

I decided to write this blog because I had a landmark experience yesterday. I've observed many of the "quirks" of this town over the last two months, so I can't say that I'm surprised it happened, I'd always heard about it, but I was ready, remember? I was prepared to outsmart these sub-human Californianoids.

2 nights ago, after driving around my Korea Town neighborhood after work, for almost half an hour, looking for parking, I finally found a spot. A primo piece of real estate about 2 blocks north of my building. It was a big open span of sidewalk, between 2 driveways, with only one other car. I didn't want to be like the greedy bastards that park right in the middle, preventing another person from parking there, so I situated myself in front of the existing car, just far enough away from their bumper so that I could get out, but close enough in that there was still room in front of me for someone else. Success.

In the morning, as I was leaving for work, I discovered, to my horror, that at some point the night before, the car behind me had left and some Jack ss took his place...only they parked so close to me, that I literally couldn't fit a FINGER in the space between our bumpers. At some other point some other Jack Ass parked in front of me, and while they were more thoughtful than Jack Ass #1, they maintain their title as Jack Ass #2, because they only left me maybe 3 inches.

So, I was forced to do the thing I swore I'd never do. I did it fully on purpose, and kind of angry, and honestly? ... I kind of liked it. I took those 3 inches and then some, and played bumper cars between Jack Asses 1 and 2, until my little car was able to wriggle free. Apparently, it was quite the show for the neighbors, as there was a small crowd of school children standing by watching and laughing. Lucky for me, there was no damage to my car (because it's awesome), but I managed to knock the license plate off of the car in front of me, and ding the car behind me. HA!

I had a Los Angeles moment.

I'm a good person. I don't like damaging people's property. I don't like possibly having to damage MY property, in order to just get to work...especially when I'm still paying that property off. But, like I said, there was measure of great satisfaction, in knowing that while I'm sure those Jack Asses got a laugh out of locking me in, I got the last laugh. :)

Wow.

Los Angeles...WHAT THE HELL?!